I recently finished a series of books written for the middle grades audience by Suzanne Collins, the author of the Hunger Games. In this series Gregor falls beneath New York City into a world few know exist. Over the course of the 6 book series, Gregor is brought into this underworld to fulfill prophesies written hundreds of years before. As fate carries him through the story, he fights battles he does not want to fight. He finds himself caught up in warfare that changes him from the 12 year old boy to the warrior. Finally a precarious balance of peace is reached in the underworld and Gregor returns to his former life above. He wonders how he will fit in with his scar covered body and heart.
Like Gregor, I, too, am wondering how I fit in.
The scars of the past are real. My choice to not let the past define who I am is also real. I find myself in an odd precarious balance between moving on with my life but carrying the scars with me. I do not know how to keep the balance.
In science classes, I teach a concept called homeostasis. Our bodies work very hard to maintain this state of balance in our bodies. Our brain and liver and kidneys communicate non-stop via hormones to keep every molecule we need within the proper boundaries. If homeostasis is lost, we cannot survive.
I do not want to be labeled with my past, yet it is a part of who I am. Any time I have shared it, my story has tainted my environment. On the other hand, I believe in transparency and its power to bring God's grace into others lives. Is there a spiritual homeostasis that exists between these two truths.
There is someone I want to talk with. Do I? Or, don't I? Is it my need to receive from a person empty acceptance or is it the Holy Spirit?