"Abuse"

I never thought that one word could sound so good! But, last night it sounded better than I ever imagined. I received a reply from the regional minister and for the first time I feel truly honored and heard. His first paragraph is worth quoting:

"Last night, at Ash Wednesday service, the thought came to me as I sat in silence that I need to say something to you on behalf of the whole church. As a person charged to speak for the church I need to extend an apology. At a time when you should have been nurtured and growing in faith, you were abused and set back in your faith. That was wrong and on behalf of the church, I am sorry."

Now that is powerful! Not only did he apologize but he recognized it as abuse - not misconduct, not a difficult experience, not sexual misbehavior, or some other nice way of saying it - but ABUSE. My heart was touched and as I sat in traffic reading the letter, sobs broke out of my soul.

He continued to say that he still intended to present my request to the task force, appreciated and accepted my request to rewrite my thoughts, and apologized if any wording he used earlier had caused me distress. It isn't perfect, but at least I know where he is now.

As far as monitoring issues with Bob and my questions that have not been answered, it seems the file is slim, and to discover the answers he would have to dig and disrupt a congregation from which my perpetrator has retired. Were he still there, I would deem that necessary. Since he is gone, I understand his reticence though I am not sure it is really for their best interest. I'm not sure I agree with him but this time he was upfront and honest as to his thoughts and feelings. I can deal with that. Transparency goes a long way with me.

He refers to the statement I made in my last email as to his role as regional minister and my questions making it a difficult place to walk: "It is indeed. Thanks for your openness to the understanding that I cannot do all that you would like in the way you would like. I continue to work towards a solution that will give us both ease about this and the ability to move on." In that statement and the rest of the paragraph, I hear a man struggling to meet the needs of all and finding it a sticky place to reside.

He ends once again with that word "abuse". "Be assured that I continue to pray for you and for all involved in the abuse you suffered."

It is amazing how much power a timely response with a heartfelt apology carries. That one word, that has been so hard for me to accept, has now been spoken by one in a place of authority in the church. There is freedom for me in hearing this declaration!

I am touched.