Wednesday, February 13, 2013

As time passes, healing comes. I recently wrestled again with forgiveness. I just could not let go of the betrayal. To tell someone of your abuse in hopes of receiving help only to have that pastor re-abuse you..... Though I wanted to forgive and hated the fact that what I felt was hurting no one but myself, I could not move on. Holding it all before God, I waited. One day, sitting in bed reading, God spoke in that undefinable way. It was nothing like I expected. "Diane, what he did was horrendous." and suddenly I saw it clearer than ever. Clearer than I see it now. God seemed to part the fog my normal brain and I saw it as I think he sees it. Not judgmentally. Just in truth as if it was in His light. I realized then that He saw the sin committed against me much clearer than I did. That, all those years I didn't see it at all, God had seen it. Suddenly, I could trust God's justice because I knew nothing was hidden from him. How much clearer he sees everything....every heart, every action, every thought. For the first time, it was ok to just let it go. God is just. His grace and truth walk together and work together.

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