Firing a Shrink

The title sounds harsh but the reality isn't. John has met my needs in a unique way over the past year and a half. He allowed me to test boundaries and try out my fledgling ones. Under his care I found my own secure boundaries as I learned experientially why they were needed. I have gained a new sense of security as I practice telling myself what is "my stuff" and what is someone else's. I have learned to not fight the humaness within me with such vigor and to surrender at times to the internal pressures.

Yet, on several occasions during the past 6 months, I have considered changing my personal therapist to the man who has seen my husband and I for 6 years. Dan and I have a relationship that transcends mine and John's. As I drove home on Tuesday evening and thought of the struggles and issues with Tom and his wife, subconsciously expecting to be betrayed, I didn't think of John and his support but rather that as long as Dan understood the dynamics at work in me and believed in my goodness that I could withstand whatever came my way. It was that moment that I knew it was time to change.

Dan agreed to see me personally and a letter is in the mail to John explaining things. We had talked a month ago about the possibility of this occuring, so John won't be totally broadsided by my decision.

I am sure it would be better if I went in to see John rather than tell him via letter, but insurance companies only pay for so many sessions and it is the end of the year. To use a session to talk to John about what I already talked with him about a month ago feels wasteful. At $150 a session, if he wants to talk, then let him do it out of heart and not my purse.

I bet there is a fortune of psychological issues in that last sentence!

Di