After a fight with the flu, that I am not sure I have won , I decided I was past due for a post. Flu and strep are going around voraciously at school and church and I was running a touch of fever again this afternoon.Mostly I have just been tired - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I spent my therapy session with Dan discussing a need to just rest for awhile. My heart is just not into giving my all. Then, upon arriving home I discovered an email from the regional minister asking me if I had the updated suggestions ready to be handed to the task force. So much for an emotional rest but his taking the initiative to prod me on was very encouraging. He could have just moved on and not mentioned me when they first meet next week. Instead he chose to find out where I was in the process.
So, I spent two hours Tuesday evening finishing the letter and list of suggestions that I had begun to write prior to my episode with the flu. I sent it on its way and then heard back from Reg tonight. His reply is hopeful:
"Diane, I did get it and wanted to say to you that I appreciated the way you worded your letter and the spirit which came through. It really is a submission with suggestions based upon a desire to move things ahead. Thank you very much. I will send this off to the sub committee and let them be aware of it as they start."
As for my typed suggestions - they were worded as carefully and gently as I could but I did not soften my desires. Here they are:
1. Include in the policy "a copy of the misconduct policy will be delivered, faxed, emailed, or mailed to the victim on the day a report is initiated."
2. Specify the number (or range) of individuals to be appointed to each section of the response team and what if any overlap of members with the ministry commission or regional office will be allowed.
3. Clarification of the meaning of “discipline committee”. What are its procedures? Who composes it?
4. The addition to the policy that the victim and the accused will have the opportunity to speak directly to the discipline committee if they so choose.
5. Clarify whether the accused will have access to the victim’s statement and vice versa.
6. Implementation of zero tolerance for sexual misconduct and loss of standing within the region upon a finding of guilt.
7. Require psychological testing of all ministers accused of misconduct.
8. The requirement that the boards of all prior regions and churches will be notified when guilt is established – especially when a question of predation exists.
9. Assure that the policy adequately covers situations when:
a. the victim is an adult
b. the victim is a child
c. when reporting is occurring years following the abuse
10. Include in the policy the way a victim will be offered an official apology on behalf of the church.
2. Specify the number (or range) of individuals to be appointed to each section of the response team and what if any overlap of members with the ministry commission or regional office will be allowed.
3. Clarification of the meaning of “discipline committee”. What are its procedures? Who composes it?
4. The addition to the policy that the victim and the accused will have the opportunity to speak directly to the discipline committee if they so choose.
5. Clarify whether the accused will have access to the victim’s statement and vice versa.
6. Implementation of zero tolerance for sexual misconduct and loss of standing within the region upon a finding of guilt.
7. Require psychological testing of all ministers accused of misconduct.
8. The requirement that the boards of all prior regions and churches will be notified when guilt is established – especially when a question of predation exists.
9. Assure that the policy adequately covers situations when:
a. the victim is an adult
b. the victim is a child
c. when reporting is occurring years following the abuse
10. Include in the policy the way a victim will be offered an official apology on behalf of the church.
Though it would be nice to simply blast ahead, my hope is to gain the trust of those I am sharing with. I have no desire to hurt anyone and only hope to see positive come from all this. I think the relief I have heard from the regional minister in the last two emails has expressed his relief that I am not seeking to expose my predator. Though I would disagree with this need were he not retired, I have no desire to embarrass or damage my perpetrators daughter or son-in-law's ministry. He struck me as a good and honest man and his words gained my respect. I see no need to hurt anyone as long as Bob stays away from the ministry and my voice is received.
My letter, that accompanied the list of submissions explained my connections to the church and requested an opportunity to sit down with the task force personally to share my suggestions. Hopefully sometime soon after next Wednesday I will hear a positive response from the task force.
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3 comments:
Good!
Since my last God has walked me thru the death of my lovely wife whom I continue to miss and grieve for (on what day shall I not?) and yet I have moved on into another stage and place in my life; I see that you too are "moving on."
The research I have read and experiences with both victims and perpetrators of domestic violence has shown me that the perpetrators are not significantly psychologically impaired.
I recognize that our culture has a shared construction of reality as a world-view that has moved away from that of Christ’s time. In ours we want to medicalize crimes that seem beyond the pale of anything normal and in turn then to “treat” offenders for their disease (rather than crimes).
Crimes too horrid to be committed by sane people in their right mind usually suggest to us that they are “sick” individuals. However the state of the art research in DV is not to minimize the responsibility of the perpetrator by looking at a mental health rational. In fact the fact of a mental health diagnosis does not cause DV anymore than substance abuse does; albeit perpetrators may in fact be afflicted with both issues. DV is a crime is much more akin to the crime of rape which is also about “conquest” (i.e., a desire for power and control) rather than sexual gratification. I suspect that sex crimes are more in common with this lust for power.
Further, the male dominance syndrome which you have encountered at almost every turn has also been resonant with issues of power and control – keeping you in the victim role; much like racism.
I mention this as I noted your suggestion for the need of mental health testing as a tool. I suspect that you and others think like some “lie detector” a mental health assessment will ferret out who is a determinant sexual predator. I once work in the area and I was unaware of such testing, and tend to suspect there is not. Google for “power and control” DV and see if you see a more useable tool for assessing behavior.
God bless; may you efforts awaken many.
BA
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