Monday, May 23, 2011
A comment from a reader brought me back to blog a new post. So much has happened since I began this blog - the most exciting is my freedom. I think we only know of our freedom as time passes and it holds true. The most telling change is my new identity. When I think of who I am, I no longer think of the abuse. I was able to let it go as a major part of who I am.
All the folks at my church who knew of my abuse are gone. The pastor moved on to new pastures. The associate has returned to school for a degree in counseling. The only other member with knowledge of my past is taking a sabbatical. For the first time, I am content to tell no one. At one time I had to have the continued reinforcement that I was ok in order to function. I do not need for anyone to know. Neither, do I feel a need to hide the past if it will serve the needs of someone else.
I have restored relationships with those who knew me during those years of turmoil. We have not discussed the past. Perhaps one day it will come up but I have chosen to not reach for their acceptance of me or to defend myself in hopes they will finally "see" the truth. The good times are defining our relationship and it is moving forward. Perhaps one day I will direct them to this blog - but only if I am sure it is needed.
I have been away from therapy for months now. I dropped back in for a session a couple of months ago to work out one issue. I did just that. I didn't reawaken a fear of leaving. Being there didn't cause me to grab hold and hang on for dear life. My craving for approval is so much less that I have managed to lay low and work and stay out of people's hair. I actually managed to stay out of the principal's office for a whole year!
My life now centers on my husband, my family, my job, and my hobbies. My relationship with God is integrated into all areas of my life. I once again truly believe in a righteous Father and a merciful and grace filled savior.
I still think of writing a book. I knew I had to reach a healthy level of freedom before I tried to do that.
Blessings out there in the blogging world. Yes, there is freedom and healing from abuse.
Posted by di at 9:41 PM