Saturday, August 7, 2010

Victory


Each little victory over shame deserves a trumpet blare.

A few months ago, a very old friend who became entangled in my abuse story contacted me through facebook. My heart raced.

For years I had traveled back to my home town, always fearing who I would meet. The shame I carried was so encompassing that I was nauseas at the thought of running into those who knew my "secret". But this time, contact came easier. I reached out to a few others who I found on her friend list. Some seemed glad to hear from me, others not. One had forgotten I existed.

These reconnections have given me the opportunity to find my identity in the present and not in the past. And, I have done it!

I have fought so hard for this freedom. I never really believed I could get here.

4 comments:

Percheron Gray said...

So glad you got to blare your trumpet. Thank you for your wonderful and touching blog.

di said...

Thank you for your comment.

Jenny said...

I've been ReReading Genesis. I'm fascinated as I have studied "shame" at some length and herein I find Adam, after his sin, is overwhelmed NOT with guilt for the deed done, but has massive shame for his nakedness which is the Freudian "tell" whereby God turns him back toward his guilt. Later fig leaves are are replaced by animal hides gratis God... Hmmm

di said...

Hi Jenny. I am glad you are reading and commenting. I would love a lot more comments than I get. Personally, it wasn't until I dealt with and was free from the shame that I could really face my guilt. I looked to men for what I should have looked to God. The animal hides - I think they show God's grace from the very beginning. Shame is never His desire. Repentance is and I THINK shame gets in the way of repentance. Shame tries to always blame someone. Shame prevented me from healthy boundaries.