The Rules Don't Apply to Me

I sent Stephen another email. I forgot to tell him in our session yesterday that I had forgiven Paul. Then, after I sent it, I wondered why do I do that?

Stephen is not condemning of my email, but he does remind me he has asked me not to do therapy via email. Email is for scheduling only. He handles me with mercy while presenting the rule. Funny, but last time he actually did a little therapy himself in the form of reassurance prior to reminding me of the boundary. Every once in a while the boundary has a little flexibility in it, but he holds it for my sake as well as his.

I do not do boundaries very well when it comes to those in power positions. I tend to function out of the belief that the rule doesn't apply to me. I was wondering why when it hit me, "Well, duh!"

In the abusive relationships, the connection told me I was special and I needed to hear that. To believe the rules didn't apply to me allowed my mind to separate from the truth. Boundaries are there for a reason and the reason was to protect me. Instead, I see boundaries as the right to deny me. Denial of something I want, need, and deserve. Ouch!

I am more important than Stephen's other clients. I am more important than his time in preparation to work with other counselors in training. And under that lie.......?

Well, I know this much. God will bring his truth and healing and He will do it much the way Stephen handles me - with truth and grace.